Men’s Mental Health Month: A Reflection
Well, we have come to the end of men’s mental health month. How did we do? Whenever we reach this time of the year, we are usually bombarded by several campaigns and messages with much of the same content every time: “Have you checked in with the men in your life, are they okay?”, “increase awareness and decrease the stigma,” “it isn’t weakness to seek help and say you are struggling.” The list honestly goes on and on.
But have things gotten better? What is it we are hoping will change? I’ve been thinking a lot about this over the course of June and realized that there is something not right in the way we are discussing the issue of men’s mental health. We are constantly trying to shed more light on the topic and yet this very approach is not the way to increase utilization of services, or get at the root of what is ailing men in general.
It seems that most of the efforts made thus far address awareness of the problem, exposure and access to clinical services, and trying to adjust or diminish the stigma by “normalizing” the struggles of men. While all of these efforts are based in honest and good intentions, they are not as effective as one might think. John Barry, a psychologist and researcher in male psychology out of the UK has recently highlighted that raising awareness is simply not enough. He also cites an article from the Lancet, which states that awareness campaigns surrounding men’s mental health (and the inevitable emphasis on suicide in men) do little to actually quell the instances of male suicide, unless they are specifically linked to prevention strategies. One insightful quote from this Lancet article caught my attention, “Awareness campaigns have become the default in suicide prevention. Often, they focus on emotional disclosure: encouraging men to talk, open up, or reach out. These messages implicitly frame suicide as a failure of expression rather than a failure of systems to hear and respond.”
This quote hit the nail on the head for me and constantly reminds me of what I have seen over the past few years in my clinical work with men. Increasing emotional disclosure and personal expression does nothing if men know it will not be received or make a difference at all. It reminded me of an interview with Brené Brown where she reflected on her work studying vulnerability in relational dynamics. When approached by a man after one of her talks, she admitted that she did not focus on men in her research, and the man responded, “My wife and daughters would rather see me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall off.” When I first heard this statement I was both shocked, and completely unsurprised. It even resonated within me as deeply true. The bottom line is that there is no room made for men to be vulnerable, and when it does happen it is not accepted. What this leads to is a silence that is deafening. Men continue on in their lives, unseen, unnoticed, and struggling, silently. They are the last ones to ever ask for help, assuming they ever do and many don’t, and it leaves many men wondering, “do I even matter?”
This often becomes a vicious cycle that leaves men bitter or alienated at best, and with no felt recourse except to end their lives at worst. Men deserve better, and we need to heed the words of warning about simply just trying to “increase awareness.” A group of people yelling that there is a fire does absolutely nothing if no one tries to put it out. Don’t get me wrong, we need awareness, but we also need action. As the Lancet article stated, we need direction toward prevention to accompany awareness, and we need to cultivate spaces where the vulnerable disclosure of men becomes not only acceptable, but an outward expression of real strength.
We need to start by acknowledging who the men around us are, how they think, and what is in their nature. A striking statement about the state of modern men comes from C.S. Lewis in The Abolition of Man, “We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful” (p. 26). Up to this point in recent history, masculinity has been accused as the source of the problem, with labels such as “toxic” and “hegemonic” being thrown around as pejoratives that end up defining the nature of masculinity as a whole. Men, paying attention to what the culture is saying, rightfully are hesitant to seek help for concern of being vilified and their own manhood being condemned. Lewis is pointing to the ways in which the masculine man has been discouraged in the living out of his own nature, such that the world expects all of the results and outcomes from the hands of men, (i.e. infrastructure, safety, convenience, progress, etc.) yet deny and wish to squash all that produces such things (devotion, hardiness, integrity, strength, etc.).
To make progress in the gap between men’s mental health struggles and lasting improvement, we need to move beyond the simple awareness model and begin to co-create conditions that welcome and invite men into deeper support. We need to actively work to make sure men are seen, valued, and appreciated for what they do. We need to be willing to meet men in the thick of the fight, to see them and acknowledge the goodness of their masculinity rather than pathologizing it.
How can we course correct? I remember before entering my doctoral studies, I read a book by John Eldredge called “Wild at Heart.” It delved into the nature of the masculine and I found it illuminating, challenging, and refreshing. A key line from the book has always stuck with me, “They may be misplaced, forgotten or misdirected, but in the heart of every man is a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue” (p. 9). In nearly every example that I could think of for male role models, there has been some element of these desires of the masculine heart present. It’s found in the ancient and medieval myths of the battle worn knight who slays the dragon and rescues the princess; it’s in the stories of soldiers who have gone to war to end tyranny and come home to their families as heroes; and it’s in every struggle and challenge that men face every day. Joseph Campbell wrote extensively about “The Hero’s Journey,” which encompasses a path beginning from a place of naivete, a disruption to the status quo which places a challenge to overcome, a time of preparation and training to grow into the person who can face the challenge, facing the challenge, overcoming the challenge, and then the return home (after being changed, from which you will never be the same). We see this journey in Luke Skywalker, Frodo and Samwise, William Wallace, Rocky Balboa, Aang, and so many others. Men look at these examples and want to be like them, they also want to overcome a challenge, fight a battle, live an adventure, and rescue a beauty.
When we consider this in the everyday lived experience of men, it can be a little less exciting at first glance. Men are often just doing their daily grind, working hard, and doing what they can to support the ones they love. It may not initially look like men are fighting a battle, but it is the daily devotion and persevering work that men continue to engage in day in and day out that “keeps the darkness at bay” – Gandalf. At the end of the day, there is a lot of work that needs to be done if we are to restore a healthy sense of masculinity and make it the norm across society, but we do have ways in which to participate in this work of restoration.
In considering the thesis of Eldredge about the three desires of the masculine heart, I find myself thinking about it in terms of competence, worthiness, and being enough. With competence, it isn’t about a man being dominating or controlling, but rather about knowing that he can affect the world around him and make a difference. A man needs to know that he is counted among those that are welcome in the space, wherever that might be, and that he can stand together with other men. Being enough to one’s family and appreciated for the way you contribute and uphold your family in safety and security is central to the desire of a man, simply to know that he has done his duty. Every man wants to know that he can overcome his challenges, and that he is supported in that endeavor.
How can we show support to the men around us? If we can see that every man is participating in a battle that we cannot necessarily see, then maybe we can begin fostering felt gratitude for what they do for us and for society. Gratitude and appreciation, making space for real vulnerability, and showing steadfast support are going to be key in this endeavor. If the men in your life know that you are there no matter what, then being able to show more vulnerability might be possible and increase deeper strength in the long run. Men also need to cultivate brotherhood and friendship with other men, as the scriptures say, “Iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17). We know that an epidemic of loneliness is keeping men isolated, and men taking up the challenge to reach one another is going to be needed to turn the tide, for we know that isolation breeds more struggle.
Accompanying men and collaborating with them to overcome challenges is another way in which we can begin showing up for them. In my own clinical work with men, I often seek to walk with my male clients in collaboration rather than acting like an expert that directs them to particular actions. My hope is that this approach empowers men to act in ways congruent with their values and the desires of their hearts.
As a parting thought, I want to say this to the men reading.
You matter. You are worthy. You have what it takes.
References
Barry, J. (2026). Raising awareness of men’s mental health: Why isn’t it working? The Centre for Male Psychology. https://www.centreformalepsychology.com/male-psychology-magazine-listings/raising-awareness-of-mens-mental-health-why-isnt-it-working
Eldredge, J. (2001). Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul. Thomas Nelson Inc.
Hunt, D. F., Banks, H., Kan, D. K. Y., Ruthen, P., Thomas, F., & Wong, G. (2025). Men’s mental health: We need systems, not symbols. The Lancet Public Health, 10(10), e809–e810. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2468-2667(25)00196-3
Lewis, C. S. (1944/2015). The Abolition of Man. HarperOne.